She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She's the barista slut.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
