Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The air taste purple.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
