is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
