it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
