How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
