i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
