you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
