I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
