well you can't waste a boner
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
