I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
