I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Do vagina's smell?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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