his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
