So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
