And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
