I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
