and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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