No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
