I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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