I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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