why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize