Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize