i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
