i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
