Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
