I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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