guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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