took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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