Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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