capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
jump out the window naked night went bad
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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