it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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