So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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