a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
