i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
