Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Operation Purity has been aborted
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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