My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize