I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
operation have a gay friend backfired
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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