Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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