I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize