these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
