I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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