She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
