just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
