yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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