operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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