You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
