idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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