I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
