so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My butt remains clenched, sir.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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