you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
