Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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