he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
