oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
