DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
