whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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