You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I party with great urgency now.
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