pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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