For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
