Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Is it because I queefed?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
