people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
