shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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