he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
